Tug-of-War

I snapped at my granddaughter this week. We were engaged in a tug-of-war with her want at one end and my expectation at the other. I could feel angry determination rising in my throat to make her conform. I tried to subdue it, but suddenly the heated glare erupted, accompanied by a terse comment. UGH! Old habits die hard. 

This testing of wills brought back memories of my younger parenting days when I struggled to make my kids conform with my expectations. Of course I knew best and it felt safer telling them what to think than teaching them how. With time (too much time!), I finally realized that over-parenting robbed them of learning how to process, how to think for themselves and how make choices. I let go of my end of the rope and whether or not I agreed with them, they knew I loved them. As for me, releasing my grip taught me to listen more. 

I wonder if “over-parenting” is part of what drives people away from religion? What if the church learned to listen more, taught how to think for ourselves, and still loved - regardless? To accept doubt as part of faith, not its opposite. Certainty is the opposite of faith and the home where extremism grows. Doubt offers the space to question and grow and discover we don’t have all the answers and God is bigger than our faith can define. To understand that while all may be permissible (because we have the freedom to choose), all is not beneficial to our personal well-being and the well-being of community. What if we learned to listen to God’s voice rather than talk in circles about God, wanting to control others with our certainty?

If we let go of what we cling to so tightly, who knows what our hands may be open to receive. For today, I’m letting go of control over starting up this process again and opening my hands to where grace might lead. 

In this together…