Guilty
Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye,
but do not notice the log in your own eye?...
You hypocrite, first take the log of out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.
Luke 6:41, 42
I’ve been making lots of mistakes lately – or more likely, I’m increasingly aware of my mistakes. “Little” things like a passive-aggressive side comment or an unnecessary addition to a conversation. Things that compel me to return and apologize. How I wish I’d not make the mistake in the first place. But I’m human. I can think I’m calm and attentive till I hear words slip out of my mouth or I carelessly hit ‘send.’ I’m noticing my carelessness is the overflow of denied anxiety…the quiet tension of pandemic restrictions and the stressful division in our neighborhood, city and country.
I prefer not to face the humble task of returning with an apology. And. I am grateful for the safety of relationships where I receive grace and forgiveness.
Mulling over my mistakes and recognizing my denial, I also notice I am grieving; grieving the lack of grace in the current tension and divisiveness; and grieving the lack of relationship evidenced by our persistent “othering” that insists one side is right while condemning the other, not even noticing that we are caught up with a crowd. Not even noticing that both sides are employing the same attack tactics in the push and shove to move in some desired direction.
It is so hard to change the tide of the crowd. It gains size and momentum like a snowball gathering whatever is in its path. The contagiousness of the crowd gathers momentum even in the midst of pandemic isolation because the fires of hate are easier to spread over media than a message of grace and forgiveness.
I’d love to call a time-out to re-orient and assess whether we are being caught up in the snowball effect or choosing the way of grace and forgiveness. A time-out to notice my hypocrisy, that I too get blinded by the contagion of the crowd.
There is the possibility of reconciliation, but
it comes at the expense of pride
it comes with the awareness of hypocrisy
it comes with the courage to step out from the snowball effect of the crowd to envision a new way,
the way of grace and forgiveness that can heal our blinding hypocrisy to remember we are
in this together…