Life is hard...
photo by Amy
“Yes. It is,” I replied. Because I knew my friend was aware of all the platitudes of encouragement, of hope, and “you’ve got this!” Indeed we do and indeed we need to hear it. But sometimes we just need to be heard and acknowledged exactly where we are. Because when our situation cannot be fixed, when we have no control, sometimes the most loving thing is to have someone be with you in silent compassion. Sometimes there is nothing to do except hold the tears and be present in the fear and weariness.
I smacked into a wall of fear this week, a sense of helplessness and insecurity regarding circumstances over which I have no power. I worried about what could happen. Listening to messages of hope from calm, courageous faith leaders didn’t help. I criticized myself – as a person of faith, as a mother, a spiritual director, a pastor – for not feeling calm and courageous. I am “supposed” to be a peaceful presence. Founded or unfounded, I didn’t ask to feel fearful but I did. And I confess I envied the calm and courageous; those who “never” fear. At least they don’t say so. Finding no solace in words of hope, oddly enough, I found them here…
He began to be distressed and agitated. Mark 14:33
Jesus, a man of perfect faith, was distressed and agitated. In despair and anxious. His courage was not in being unafraid. It was in being vulnerable, emptying of his fear so somehow (by grace!) he could be filled with calm.
Life. Is. Hard. Whether by our choices or by uncontrollable circumstances. Yes I am hopeful! Yet if I hold onto a pretension that I have no fear (or sadness or struggle) and suppress my vulnerability, I don’t empty of myself and peace remains obscure. When I am reluctant to confess my vulnerability, I don’t create the space to be filled with what I need…so I can calmly sit with you in your need.
I once was told, trust is fear that has said its prayers. Thank you for hearing my prayer so with courage and quiet assurance, I may trust in the words…
Fear not, for I am with you; be not afraid for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, and help you. I will uphold you
With my righteous strong hand. Isaiah 41:10
With great gratitude and hope, in this together…