I want to be more loving...

On Sunday we sang the words, I want to be more loving in my heart… It’s a lovely refrain and such a holy thing to sing. It’s a lovely prayer until I have to take it seriously – like the very next day when I faced that I was not being so loving after all. 
My friend took the courageous step that comes with caring enough about a relationship to let me know I’ve recently made some subtle comments that have been hurtful. Of course it was not my intention to hurt her. But, rather than try to explain myself, I heard the impact my words made. I knew immediately what she was talking about and recognized it came from my singular perspective (that of course doesn’t intend to hurt anyone!). While it was not my intention, my little comments were small cuts ~ the kind that if not addressed can end up wounding a relationship. I apologized and she graciously forgave. 
But this morning I had to pray to forgive myself ~ and consider where my comments were coming from so that I might do the work of healing. And I wondered, how will I ever be more loving in my heart when I can be so careless?! Suddenly a quote came to mind, I don’t remember where I heard it …

The moment you recognize you are not present, you become present. 

And the difficult truth that brings peace sunk in. To become more loving, I must be willing to face the discomfort of recognizing when I am not so, and do the uncomfortable work of dealing with my pride and listening to expand the horizon of my singular perspective…to see others more clearly…and become more loving.
I can’t say that I feel better, yet. But I am grateful for the moment to recognize I have not been loving so that I might do the work to become so. I think I’ll keep singing that prayerful refrain – to keep me mindful for next time.

Amy Moore